Fortnight-ly Forecast. For you, NITians

Okay, this has been a bit late in the block thanks to the tendered splicing event of snapped out FOC somewhere in the corner of this 250 acred campus. Long story short - Internet was broke.

Aries - You'll kick start off with a surprise party. Yeah, you'll be ahooza! surprised when they actually let you in. There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about, and the trajectory would continue to lend a positive slope. Much of which events you participated in this mindbend were rigged by the universe itself and the awesome virgos took all the moolah home. Don't hate yourself for that now!...the others do enough already.

Taurus -  Your Gf/Bf would have a 30-year mortage, a 5-year car lease and a lifetime gym membership. But still he/she'll be afraid of commitment...So basically it's just a 'liking' thing with you. And it's that that they don't. Many a hidden covert albeit prominent eczema spots would resurface all over your countenance. Don't worry, it's just a way in which the universe is rubbing it in your face.

Gemini - When it comes to hard work, you are always willing to go the extra mile to avoid it at all costs. This very thing will keep getting in your way of getting anything. You must at all ruddy cost STOP poking finger in your nose while still facing 100s of people. The reason behind you being unable to bag your "dream job" was due to collateral damage caused by the aforementioned personal habits. And it's too late, sigh.

Cancer - So you people are still, like, alive? Bummer. The per capita revenue for every country is heading south wards and maybe your presence is accelerating the cause in a weird enigmatic sort of way. Find a huge drum or a pitcher to hide in coz if people find this out, they are gonna get you before you can say "Mumma!!!" Aside from that most of everything plus the anything would be afoot. Thank you for listening.

Leo - All of your life's pieces are beginning to fall right in place....above your head, to be precise. Eying for unattainable attention has been your thing ever since Japanese internment camp days, but maybe that skill too is beginning to wear off. That said, there's nothing left to prophecize about here anymore.

Virgro - Mindbend saw you win hard in almost all events. And your modest declination regarding receiving the Best Zodiac Sign Award has earned you even more admirers in the annals of your current surrounding. Most of this fortnight would pass in attaining the state of universal oneness, experiencing the bliss of knowing and making those dumbfaaks at the libra list shut their yappers up. And yes, you'll do a good job off it. Carry on you winner.

Libra - Your unbound, limitless, unsolicited and as-redundant-as-this-line yammering would put off even a snake's will to evolve and develop hearing capabilities. Your fake lacing up of your sentences with exotic vocabulary will make someone steal your Barron's and Kaplan and hell those two cost you an arm and a leg. Nothing much, aside from a trashy paper in your mouth scenario, would worth notifying in this period.

Scorpio - Your intellectual property is in foreclosure and there is nothing that you can do about it. Your love for South Park and later the act if imitating it's histrionics will get you into serious trouble involving a sizeable amount of fine amount and probably, later, a family ouster. Please keep away from stray dogs, your face scares them off.

Sagittarius - The facts say that when you kiss someone for one minute, you both burn 26 calories. Ofcourse this piece of information is of the unusable cateogry as, come on be frank, who the hell will this "other" be? Aside from cribbing about your lonely existence, fighting a receding hair line and losing at a straightforward game of chess (level 1) against the computer you will see the sunset on many other things. And no, this is not explicit pessimism. Rather pure optimism with experience. 

Capricorn - So you just found out that you cannot hum holding your nose closed. Big deal, get over it. What little you know, you owe to your ignorance. Worship it in an really weird religious sort of a way (dancing around naked with sticks) all these 15 days. Your gig at the "New Chapter" personal thing of starting your Btech course with a new beginning will seem like playing scrabble with Shakespeare. You'll quit and sing "give me some sunshine.." within 2 hours of this commencement. Loser.

Aquarius - Your caddish behavior, in past, have got you series of varied things been thrown at you from random places. Being acquainted with such a grade of treatment, you wont be even half as surprised when a kid whom you just told about the Birds and Bees tells you about the taxi driver and your girlfriend. Unlike things in the 'Love' department, the things in the "Oh My Goodness I am a freaking loser" dept would scale up further aided by midnight realisations and toilet epiphanies. Happy it.

Pieces - You come so late on this list that even my crystal ball runs out of battery and well, motivation to predict you one totally genuine and bankable forecast. But let me tell you this, it's not a good sign when your abdomen pains and you have a case of unmentionable hair growth in some places unseen. If you find such occurrence a rather frequent affair, I suggest you call up the people in the factory who made you.

And thus Spake Shekhar Bhai !

(Done, primarily, for a Renesa issue on 26th Jan. The issue never got published, though, the talk was way too fun for it to stay beneath black clothes )

Good Morning, Shekhar Bhai! Welcome to this ‘conversation’ thing that we do in Renesa.   As always, we’d like to begin with saying that it is not an interrogation or an interview, it is a conversation to know the person who’s always on the other side of the table, behind the counter. Also I don’t know what we’ll be calling it. But, before we together rake up some interesting stuff about our college which goes beyond our stay here of 4 years, we want to know about your college life around which there is this sweet mystery. There are rumours (oh god, rumour mill didn’t spare even you!) that you are a graduate of the Electronics department of this college. Please tell us about your true college life!
(Laughs) Well, you know about my college life better. Okay, I want to make this very very clear. I am not from this college.

Sure? 
Yes! But even though I didn’t study here, I have never felt like an outsider. I have got so much love and affection from everyone here, I feel I belong to this place as much as you do.

How long have you been here?
Fourteen years.

So coming back to our question, which college are you from?
Well, I want that to remain suspense!

OMG! Even now?
Yes. You know, even though I haven’t got an official degree from this college, I have spent much long a period here than any one of you! (smiles) So I have got a degree higher than anyone of you.

So when you came here from Surathkal with your friends, did you have a plan in mind? Was it your intention to start a catering business, or is it that one thing led to the other and you entered this field?
After finishing my college I got plenty of job offers- I took up a job in Godrej Limited. However, I faced typical job problems- I could not spend much time with my family, I was not free to decide my timings for personal work, so I considered starting a business of my own. I then did a course in hotel management from Surathkal itself, and then came here.

Who all are in your family?
I stay here with my cousin and my sister-in-law. My parents are in Surathkal.

Are you married?
(blushing)No

Er… why? Since this is the Love issue, we will tread on these lines a bit.
I move one step at a time. I have one more step to go in my career. Once that is accomplished, I will think of marriage.

Ok now you told us you have many catering spots elsewhere too, but the college junta is unaware of them. Please could you tell us something about them?
This is a little embarrassing.. kind of self eulogizing. But since you insist, I’ll tell- there is one in SCET, in C. K. Pithawala, in Larsen and Toubro, in Rama Paper Mill, in Atul Limited (2-3 inside the colony), in Police Commissioner’s building, one in Bhatar, one on Ring Road, one in Ankleshwar…

So your network is more widely spread than Kentucky Fried Chicken! Is it that your own canteen served bad food and that was the inspiration for you to open a canteen?
(smiles) No no , it was never that way. If that had been my idea, I would have gone to all other NITs too.

So what is your impetus to work here? You work so efficiently. Even in rush hour, things work like clockwork. How?
In a business, the more you work, the more you earn, the more satisfaction you get out of it. It’s like, by working this much I can earn 2 rupees, so why not put in more to earn 4 rupees? That drives us all.

And you never even raise prices, and you had once told me you would not want to increase prices.
True, but now I may need to bring in some changes. Prices of commodities have increased so much, I might go in loss if I don’t increase my prices.

How is it that you spend all your time here? You have so many establishments…
As I said, I have cousins here who work at the other places. If one has to look after something well,  one needs to give time to it, right?

What are the expansion plans of this canteen. There are demands that non-vegetarian food be served here. There has been a demand for maggi since such a long time!
I am not very keen on starting non veg here. Most Gujaratis are vegetarians. Many of the faculty members who eat here are Jains. If we started serving non veg, it would irk them. We surely can start a separate non veg outlet.

So if you put the proposal, would the committee work upon it?
Not necessarily. I can never even think of suggesting a non-veg outlet. It needs to be very very clean. Hygiene issues come up. I personally believe that a non-veg kitchen cannot be clubbed with vegetarian. The utensils need to be cleaned very well to remove the smell of non-veg, etc.

And what about a Maggi counter?
Again difficult. The student strength has increased so much, so have the number of items on our menu, there is a lot of pressure on the kitchen. It is too small for an extra item. But if we start a new juice center outside, we might think of starting maggi there.

Talking about what changes do you see in students since then the time you first came here?
Earlier students were quite chilled out about academics. There were fewer classes. If there were any at around 10:30, they would go only in the afternoons. Now I see students rushing to study even at 8:30 in the morning! Another major change I see is that apparently nobody wants to be single. Earlier it never was that way. There were also fewer girls, of course! And they rarely came to the canteen. Hostel to classes and back. Now it is hostel-> canteen-> classes-> canteen-> hostel. And canteen is not just a place to eat, it has now become a place to relax. For all kinds of fun, etc. if ten students gather together , it becomes one gala celebration. All meetings take place here. Nowadays people look for a place where they get everything under one roof.

Which time according to you is the liveliest in the canteen? Exam, Post exam, Election, Fests, etc…?
During elections it used to be very different. Even friends used to stop talking to each other, switching their loyalties to their respective assos. I always found that quite weird. I mean, friendship should be above everything, right?  Then during events and fests too students are quite busy and immersed in their work. I have seen some of the recent event heads behave so bossily, it scares even me at times. Of course I enjoy it all. It is one long movie for me. J

Now we do say a lot of things in our sponsorship brochures about the success of a fest in terms of the footfalls and media coverage; but as students, when we compete against one another, how big a hit an event or a fest has been is judged by the amount of food and drink consumed in canteen. So, as per this benchmark, which fest according to you was the most successful in recent times?
As far as I remember, Autofest 2006 was pretty well-received by all. Even among my friends, that is still the most talked about fest. Huge crowds had come from outside and I personally too liked it a lot.

So where do you disappear during fests? You can just plant a substitute here and then move around you know!
I do make it a point to see every event of every fest. You people are so engrossed among yourselves, you don’t see me at all!

How do you recruit people for the canteen? More importantly, how do you create the special bonding between them all? Like you had said earlier, they are from all parts of India. B-schools, to get into which we bust our asses off for almost a quarter of our engineering course, dish out some mumbo-jumbo about team management from fat textbooks. How do you do it all so simply? I mean we just hand out the coupon to one person, and there are so many of us out there shouting different orders with different specifications- sada, masala, Jain, Jain without only onion and garlic, etc, but like magic, in goes the coupon, and out comes our correct dish. How??
Management, according to me, is selflessness and humility combined together. There is no scope for selfishness in management. I never think that I have to ‘lead’ a team. I believe that we all have to move ahead together. None of us ever regards anyone as a junior. When a person’s views are considered and respected, he feels good about himself and works to his full potential because he has been implicitly told that he has it in him to do well. The maxim, “The boss is always right”, just does not work these days.

So do you find working here stressful? Have you ever regretted being here?
No, never. In fact, coming back to the management aspect of it, the work gives me a lot of experience. Besides, the biggest plus point is that all my workers are very responsible. The new ones see the older ones and learn from them.

Some students wished to know if they can work here in the canteen, behind the counter (in the kitchen, to be more precise)? They are willing to do it without any remuneration at all. The way they have started doing it in the library…
(laughs) Well, actually there is no vacancy at all in the kitchen. I already have a staff of 25. If some students barge in, it will become one big pandemonium- just like another classroom!

Do you cook food?
Oh yes! I can make quite a few things! I don’t make in the canteen, but at home, I do cook at home.


Who is the Geetha of ‘Geetha caterers’?
That is the boss’s mother’s name!

There are rumours that you have friends among other chefs in restaurants. Did this happen after you came to this industry or were they your friends even before that?
Well many of them were with me in college in Surathkal.

So how do you find time to keep in touch with your friends? You are busy all day long in the canteen, right?
Well, for friends one must always keep some time reserved, however busy one is. I try my best to do that.

And your Mathematics must have become pretty good by now! You give change so fast, I have never seen that anywhere else!
Well I was always very quick at calculations. I was known as ‘calculator’ in school, and that is now coming in use now. (smiles)

This is one question you simply must answer! When is your birthday? No, we promise we will not pester you for treat! Please please please!
(laughs a lot) I will tell you the year and the month. January 1979.

Awww! Belated happy birthday, Shekhar Bhai! Some more clues, please!! Are you a Capricorn?
Yes.

That narrows our window further!
Try guessing the exact date, I will treat you in Gateway. (smiles)

I Am so getting that. Alright now tell me this, your caller tune is “pehle nasha…pehla khumar..” and this is a love centric issue. So bang comes a question: what is your definition of love?
(Long silence)

Bro???
(again long silence)

kya shekhar bhai?  Anything. Just what are views on love?
ummm….I wanted to keep that a suspense!

DUDE!! Oh no, this is such an anti-climax! People are not going to leave you at the counter now! Ok now could you suggest some love potion in your canteen? A dish which you would call the most romantic?
oh but if I name a South Indian dish, the others might feel offended. If I name a north Indian dish the others would be offended! No no no…

Lemme guess Idli Sambhar, right?
(laughs) umm ok my favourite is idli-sambhar as it is yours. And I feel that it, being the humblest dish available, is also the most romantic of all; there is nothing complicated about it. It exemplifies the simplicity, innocence and purity of love. 

With that in print, you will have to now open a separate idli stall! Now, you have been here for 14 years. You have had so much experience with students. Do you see yourself ever getting tired of it all and one day telling yourself, “Fine! I am quitting it all. I don’t want to stay here any longer!” Any future plans?
No, as of now, there are no such plans. But one obviously has to be mentally prepared for any such eventuality. Presently everything is quite perfect, and I wish to hold on to that and at the same time try to grow as much as possible. We are now thinking of expanding our network-I wish to open a three star restaurant.

Any expectations from us? Like Hasmukh bhaiya had personally told me that he wanted to study. It’s been two years since then. We could never do anything. Do you feel angry about it?
No, not at all. You are all NITians, you need to focus on your studies. I have no expectations from you. You guys are already doing so much apart from studies- so many extra-curricular activities, etc.

Still, no expectations?
(silence)

clearly, you never had any from us! none!
(smiles) Well, I have never had expectations from anybody. I know you are all very talented. But I see you people are very busy, spending your time on so many things. I do not wish to pressurize you with anything. Like you are all doing so much for Nirvana. For Mindbend. For different committees. I am happy with what I have and what you all do.

Any complaints against college administrators?
No

Was there a canteen before you came here?
Yes, and I met the owner of that canteen just once- he was leaving and I was coming. (smiles)

That's just precious information. By the way. how did you come in? Was there a tender or was there a cooking competition of some sorts?
No, no, just a tender.

So do you have any questions from team Renesa? or any message to us?
There is just one thing I feel very strongly about. Physically abusing someone is really bad. Interaction with juniors is perfectly fine. Just do what is necessary. If ragging is more harmful than beneficial to you or to your institute reputation, then why do you do it?

Alright, point taken! So shekhar bhai, we wrap up the interview. Thank you so much for sparing us your valuable time, we simply loved the conversation!Even I loved it. And if anybody feels bad about what I said, I am sorry about it. All said and done, I am an outsider, just a canteen wala, maybe I have no business commenting about what you people do in your college. Overall, even I really liked talking to you a lot. Thank you very much!


(Transcription By Swati. Pics: Krishnan, Harshit )

A Little Education, Please (In I.E today. Liked it.)

Allow me to report a dialogue I sometimes have with myself. It goes like this. Voice in my head (VIMH): What kind of news TV would you really like to watch? Me: Just the kind I watch now, for example, Times Now, while debating Indo-Pak talks, saying Jaswant Singh and Strobe Talbott had champagne and caviar every time they met; remarkable journalism. VIMH: No, seriously. Me: I am serious; I read around eight newspapers fairly seriously and, for this column, mostly watch four or five news channels; newspaper-reading never gives me those aha moments that news TV-watching does; Medha Patkar told NDTV the media should unite the forces (various Naxalite factions) rather than create more backbiting, NDTV found this unexceptionable and asked whether there may be a latent (yes, latent) historic opportunity now vis-à-vis the Maoist problem. VIMH: So you couldn’t be bothered as long as news TV provides you with these moments of joy? Me (a little offended): Hey, I am a socially aware person, and since you insist, here’s my very short list of what news TV should or shouldn’t do.

1. The bottom-of-the-screen scroll that’s frequently called Breaking News. Cong behind FM on fuel price hike; sources say India to talk tough on terror with Pak; home minister to assess Maoist offer; BJP to agitate on price rise — how much intellectual and capital investment and what degree of internal organisational reform are required to realise this stuff is not “breaking news”? Very little, one would imagine. But strangely (pleasurably for my selfish reasons), news TV won’t change tack. Note, here, that India TV has a whole news segment called Breaking News. However, I think if India TV reforms itself, society will be a net loser. Let’s keep India TV out of this.

2. Anchor-reporter chatter. Anchor says just take us again through what happened, reporter again takes us through what has happened, anchor says so what’s really significant in this is… and recounts a part of what has happened, reporter says yes you are right and takes us yet again through that bit of what has happened, anchor asks an impossible question to the reporter, like, tell us, what are your sources saying, sources being what they are, they are mostly not saying anything when news is happening, so the reporter (you feel truly sorry for him/her at this point) has no choice but to again take us through what has happened, anchor says right, that’s a crucial piece of information and unless it’s time for the next headline or a commercial break, again takes us through what has happened. What has happened to the viewer by this time? Well, I love it. But, yes, from society’s point of view, a change in this pattern would be highly desirable.

3. Talk TV. It’s late evening, and on every major news channel there’s a news TV senior staffer hosting a group of panellists almost all of whom appear far less knowledgeable or smart than they actually are. This is, to my mind, news TV’s signal contribution to public discourse. Some panellists break free of this, but they are a tiny minority. Talk TV can invite a panellist to explain in some detail the issue at hand, internalise that opinion and ask a relevant follow-up question, give some more time for the answer, and then give another panellist the same privilege. If there are just two well-chosen panellists (instead of three or four or five) and one well-informed show host, talk TV can actually leave with the impression that something useful was talked about. Me, I like the jumble of words and sentences, the occasional non sequiturs, the ferociously fragmentary nature of the conversation, the fact that I am no wiser after the show’s over, but a lot more entertained. But, yes, it would be useful, wouldn’t it, if a news TV debate educates and informs a bit?

-Saubhik Chakrabarti 

Yet another fortnight for NITians.

Aries : It’s true, the ultimate that “you can’t” yes, it’s true. I mean even a blind squirrel would occasionally find a nut but you actually getting down to some serious productive fruit-bearing asskicking? Yeenh!…that’s ain’t happening. And the status quo prevails this fortnight too.

Taurus: I must, to begin with, remind you again that ‘Taurus’ is actually a BULL. Yes, now you don’t find the two headed Gemini much funny and crass anymore, ain’t it? As much as these self acquired or externally instigated realizations would beckon you strategically to break you State-e-Utopia this fortnight. More things will fall down onto you. Invest in a good helmet.

Gemini: No, you are not funny. Take that at face value and spare some kid a chance to hit you in your crotch (height benefits, damn). You will find your friends taking you to a zoo, avoid it at all cost. It is a booby-trap to send you back to your original habitat. And you don’t particularly enjoy that part, do you?

Cancer: Your symbolical crab must have played an important role during the good old herculean task days, but that’s about it. Any more ventures into tasting sea food will get you bit hard by that same crab. And no, those offers by Vodafone regarding “fraandships” won’t work with you.Spare yourself the monetary loss.

Leo: It’s amazing how much thought you put into “what will they think about me” . People will block you all over again from their Twitter, buzz, facebook and ibibo accounts (you use it still, awww snap) I can only see some sense of relief in the way you’ll be setting a new record for max distance covered in projectile vomiting. The universe hates you…sigh

Virgo: Look at you the cynosure of all the 11 dimensions and 3 more yet to be found. You are what is good with the universe in a complete absolute sense. This fortnight will see you scale multitudinal lengths with things like massage giving, wind surfing and paragliding for that fund rasing event. You will be the first person to whom SRK will reply on twitter. Oh! You rock.

Libra: Okay, let me confess here something. I have a personal spite with your kind, there i said it. Coz when i was small a Libran was very mean to me. He used to take away y kite and give it urchins. Used to trip me over with covert motives of landing my ice-cream scoops. …you know, the usual bully stuff. I have forgiven him, but my subconscious has not. So let’s not predict much for you here. Bye.

Scorpio: So you DO have a heart. How glad to know that. Nostradamus must have had goodwill-ed plans for you but as per my crystal ball your center stage in the new world order is well…near the open toilet to be used by whale kids. This fortnight will see you falling in love, no wait, change that to garbage dumpster instead.

Sagittarius: Your sign is Prouounced - Sagit-Hairy-Ass for pretty well known reasons. Your ability to peep through keyholes will not be appreciated much this fortnight. The best you can top is a menial restraining order and tedious social service work in college library. Much of what was predicted for you internals was held true and you did get straight single digits everywhere. And no, sparsh stage is NOT for you.

Capricorn: Now you must be aware that Capricorn is a goat. Seriously, need i kid you more here? Moreover, this fortnight will see it’s biggest fusspot in your form. You will all over the space accelerating the entropy in a totally unnatural way. Be ready to get some serious middle fingerrati.

Aquarius: You are the water carrier. That means you have an infinite bladder retention capacity. Kudos to you on your singular achievement. This fortnight will see you make a small gain as far share market returns are concerned. Mush movies are your deal and no, “savitha bhabhi” is not the name of a family serial on star plus. Please work on getting your facts cleared.

Pisces: How could they name you people “the fish” I mean, just imagine the hatred involved. As if to sympathise wth you all, my crystal ball shimmers with ecstasy at your mention….no wait, that was a mirror flare from behind. Alright, here’s what it says …. “Beware” Goodness me, that’s scary.

My first mail ever to renesa back in my first year.

from	Nijeesh padmanabhan
to		renesa@yahoogroups.com,renesa@yahoogroups.co.in
date		Tue, Feb 13, 2007 at 6:30 PM
subject		article
mailed-by		gmail.com --------------------------------------------------------------

Some questions, I want to ask…. 

Nijeesh Padmanabhan

2/8 

• Why do the auto drivers and even some faculty members too (!) insist on calling our Alma matter ‘SVR’?
• Why is it that when seen from hostel office the admin dept looks like a pile slabs brutally crushing some window panes?
• Why is the “staff club” called so, even when it does not remotely looks like a “club”…and also you seldom see the “staff” over there?
• And why is the “reach center” called so when there is no reason as to why we should even think of ‘reach’ing there?
• Why is it that there’s no board in front of electronics department spelling its name in ‘hindi’(believe me some fresher had a real bad time due to it during their “freshman orientation programs)??
• Why it is that girl’s hostel is so near to CRC and other department while we are made to walk to Antarctica four times a day?
• Why was required to go through Greek and roman mythology, before I can read any Mindbend problem statement?
• Why is it that after a new board declaring the prohibition of outsiders in the institute (not a new board infact…its probably there since 1857 or something but just painted newly ) the number of outsiders suddenly amplified?
• Why is it that as soon as you go to wash your clothes in hostel, the tank runs out of aqua?
• Why is it that I kept confusing with “renesa” as “reneasa” and thus all my previous articles bounced on me, making me the only one to ever read them?
• Who exactly writes the “rumor mills” section in reneasa(oops..)…RENESA?
• Does the sanitation staff clean the admin drawing hall with invisible and non-existent brooms?
• What made me write such insane, irrational and ‘question’able article?
• What made the editorial board approve this to print?