Yet another fortnight for NITians.

Aries : It’s true, the ultimate that “you can’t” yes, it’s true. I mean even a blind squirrel would occasionally find a nut but you actually getting down to some serious productive fruit-bearing asskicking? Yeenh!…that’s ain’t happening. And the status quo prevails this fortnight too.

Taurus: I must, to begin with, remind you again that ‘Taurus’ is actually a BULL. Yes, now you don’t find the two headed Gemini much funny and crass anymore, ain’t it? As much as these self acquired or externally instigated realizations would beckon you strategically to break you State-e-Utopia this fortnight. More things will fall down onto you. Invest in a good helmet.

Gemini: No, you are not funny. Take that at face value and spare some kid a chance to hit you in your crotch (height benefits, damn). You will find your friends taking you to a zoo, avoid it at all cost. It is a booby-trap to send you back to your original habitat. And you don’t particularly enjoy that part, do you?

Cancer: Your symbolical crab must have played an important role during the good old herculean task days, but that’s about it. Any more ventures into tasting sea food will get you bit hard by that same crab. And no, those offers by Vodafone regarding “fraandships” won’t work with you.Spare yourself the monetary loss.

Leo: It’s amazing how much thought you put into “what will they think about me” . People will block you all over again from their Twitter, buzz, facebook and ibibo accounts (you use it still, awww snap) I can only see some sense of relief in the way you’ll be setting a new record for max distance covered in projectile vomiting. The universe hates you…sigh

Virgo: Look at you the cynosure of all the 11 dimensions and 3 more yet to be found. You are what is good with the universe in a complete absolute sense. This fortnight will see you scale multitudinal lengths with things like massage giving, wind surfing and paragliding for that fund rasing event. You will be the first person to whom SRK will reply on twitter. Oh! You rock.

Libra: Okay, let me confess here something. I have a personal spite with your kind, there i said it. Coz when i was small a Libran was very mean to me. He used to take away y kite and give it urchins. Used to trip me over with covert motives of landing my ice-cream scoops. …you know, the usual bully stuff. I have forgiven him, but my subconscious has not. So let’s not predict much for you here. Bye.

Scorpio: So you DO have a heart. How glad to know that. Nostradamus must have had goodwill-ed plans for you but as per my crystal ball your center stage in the new world order is well…near the open toilet to be used by whale kids. This fortnight will see you falling in love, no wait, change that to garbage dumpster instead.

Sagittarius: Your sign is Prouounced - Sagit-Hairy-Ass for pretty well known reasons. Your ability to peep through keyholes will not be appreciated much this fortnight. The best you can top is a menial restraining order and tedious social service work in college library. Much of what was predicted for you internals was held true and you did get straight single digits everywhere. And no, sparsh stage is NOT for you.

Capricorn: Now you must be aware that Capricorn is a goat. Seriously, need i kid you more here? Moreover, this fortnight will see it’s biggest fusspot in your form. You will all over the space accelerating the entropy in a totally unnatural way. Be ready to get some serious middle fingerrati.

Aquarius: You are the water carrier. That means you have an infinite bladder retention capacity. Kudos to you on your singular achievement. This fortnight will see you make a small gain as far share market returns are concerned. Mush movies are your deal and no, “savitha bhabhi” is not the name of a family serial on star plus. Please work on getting your facts cleared.

Pisces: How could they name you people “the fish” I mean, just imagine the hatred involved. As if to sympathise wth you all, my crystal ball shimmers with ecstasy at your mention….no wait, that was a mirror flare from behind. Alright, here’s what it says …. “Beware” Goodness me, that’s scary.