Okay, this has been a bit late in the block thanks to the tendered splicing event of snapped out FOC somewhere in the corner of this 250 acred campus. Long story short - Internet was broke.
Aries - You'll kick start off with a surprise party. Yeah, you'll be ahooza! surprised when they actually let you in. There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about, and the trajectory would continue to lend a positive slope. Much of which events you participated in this mindbend were rigged by the universe itself and the awesome virgos took all the moolah home. Don't hate yourself for that now!...the others do enough already.
Taurus - Your Gf/Bf would have a 30-year mortage, a 5-year car lease and a lifetime gym membership. But still he/she'll be afraid of commitment...So basically it's just a 'liking' thing with you. And it's that that they don't. Many a hidden covert albeit prominent eczema spots would resurface all over your countenance. Don't worry, it's just a way in which the universe is rubbing it in your face.
Gemini - When it comes to hard work, you are always willing to go the extra mile to avoid it at all costs. This very thing will keep getting in your way of getting anything. You must at all ruddy cost STOP poking finger in your nose while still facing 100s of people. The reason behind you being unable to bag your "dream job" was due to collateral damage caused by the aforementioned personal habits. And it's too late, sigh.
Cancer - So you people are still, like, alive? Bummer. The per capita revenue for every country is heading south wards and maybe your presence is accelerating the cause in a weird enigmatic sort of way. Find a huge drum or a pitcher to hide in coz if people find this out, they are gonna get you before you can say "Mumma!!!" Aside from that most of everything plus the anything would be afoot. Thank you for listening.
Leo - All of your life's pieces are beginning to fall right in place....above your head, to be precise. Eying for unattainable attention has been your thing ever since Japanese internment camp days, but maybe that skill too is beginning to wear off. That said, there's nothing left to prophecize about here anymore.
Virgro - Mindbend saw you win hard in almost all events. And your modest declination regarding receiving the Best Zodiac Sign Award has earned you even more admirers in the annals of your current surrounding. Most of this fortnight would pass in attaining the state of universal oneness, experiencing the bliss of knowing and making those dumbfaaks at the libra list shut their yappers up. And yes, you'll do a good job off it. Carry on you winner.
Libra - Your unbound, limitless, unsolicited and as-redundant-as-this-line yammering would put off even a snake's will to evolve and develop hearing capabilities. Your fake lacing up of your sentences with exotic vocabulary will make someone steal your Barron's and Kaplan and hell those two cost you an arm and a leg. Nothing much, aside from a trashy paper in your mouth scenario, would worth notifying in this period.
Scorpio - Your intellectual property is in foreclosure and there is nothing that you can do about it. Your love for South Park and later the act if imitating it's histrionics will get you into serious trouble involving a sizeable amount of fine amount and probably, later, a family ouster. Please keep away from stray dogs, your face scares them off.
Sagittarius - The facts say that when you kiss someone for one minute, you both burn 26 calories. Ofcourse this piece of information is of the unusable cateogry as, come on be frank, who the hell will this "other" be? Aside from cribbing about your lonely existence, fighting a receding hair line and losing at a straightforward game of chess (level 1) against the computer you will see the sunset on many other things. And no, this is not explicit pessimism. Rather pure optimism with experience.
Capricorn - So you just found out that you cannot hum holding your nose closed. Big deal, get over it. What little you know, you owe to your ignorance. Worship it in an really weird religious sort of a way (dancing around naked with sticks) all these 15 days. Your gig at the "New Chapter" personal thing of starting your Btech course with a new beginning will seem like playing scrabble with Shakespeare. You'll quit and sing "give me some sunshine.." within 2 hours of this commencement. Loser.
Aquarius - Your caddish behavior, in past, have got you series of varied things been thrown at you from random places. Being acquainted with such a grade of treatment, you wont be even half as surprised when a kid whom you just told about the Birds and Bees tells you about the taxi driver and your girlfriend. Unlike things in the 'Love' department, the things in the "Oh My Goodness I am a freaking loser" dept would scale up further aided by midnight realisations and toilet epiphanies. Happy it.
Pieces - You come so late on this list that even my crystal ball runs out of battery and well, motivation to predict you one totally genuine and bankable forecast. But let me tell you this, it's not a good sign when your abdomen pains and you have a case of unmentionable hair growth in some places unseen. If you find such occurrence a rather frequent affair, I suggest you call up the people in the factory who made you.
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